I’m still doing a ‘first’ of the year! This is my first solo run. I decided yesterday that I would try to get out and do a run. Even if it was just a short one. After church I came back and got changed virtually straight away. I didn’t want to be distracted by anything else. No housework or washing or anything.
I searched for my iPod, I felt I needed to have music in my ears as I ran along. Blimmin typical it had run out if charge! Then I remembered that I have Spotify on my phone, so I got that up, found some running tunes playlist and then I was out of the door. I didn’t have a route in mind I just wanted to get out, so the old favourite was going to be it. Up Turpington Lane and then back again via Greenway. I was just running up Farringdon when I heard a ‘beep beep’, it was the Old Boy! Just as well I got out at that time, or I might have found things that needed to be done!
The last time I had done a solo run I think was in October! From that month I think my mojo went down hill and stayed there. Smoking and drinking and chocolate seemed to be the order of the day instead. The still quiet voice, the nagging stopped, I couldn’t hear it, I felt abandoned and lost my mojo was just no where to be found. It was just as well I had my club to keep me going, if I didn't have mojo then I had my sense of discipline to get me. Every week, Tuesday evenings, rain or shine I was there. I saw this great inspirational quote today, "DISCIPLINE is doing what needs to be done, even if you don't want to DO IT.' I like that, I can relate to that! So it’s just as well that I lead group 1! I just know if I didn’t have them I would have no discipline, I would be glued to my chair in the evenings. I think it’s quite good that my mojo took a dive at the end of the year because there is nothing better to get you started back to something than the new year resolutions! Normally I fail on all my resolutions so I try never to make any, but it has taken up to now for me to realise that the still quiet voice needs to be a loud shouty scream from myself to myself. No one is going to get me out of the door except me. My mates can encourage me of course, but not from my sitting, only if I get out there and do it!
I was thinking about all of this as I was running along. I remembered my blogs in the beginning, when I first started logging all of my exercises, the Ling epics, and on the odd occasion, funny. Maybe I should add another resolution, try to get back to that, a fun read. The nick names I chose for my buddies too! Mind you, I have met so many great people since running I just can’t think up enough nick names!
I ran pass the Harvester and I decided that I would do the loop in the opposite direction. Do things differently, things can’t stay the same all the time, can they? I certainly need to get a move on, my waist line is virtually disappearing! And these thunder thighs! Well it all has to change.
I did the loop, it felt a lot easier going that way round, and then I started on my way back home. I didn’t feel as if I had run very quickly, I was quiet annoyed with myself and the nagging started, “Come on you lazy mare, you gotta do this”. I started to think again about how I got to this stage. Ten years ago! Ten years ago! A lot has happened in those ten years, since my mum died. A lot of laughs, new loves, for my girl, new babies for my girl! But the pain and the tears for my mum has never been far from the surface. I always wonder how long does it take, but I guess it’s different for everyone. Some can deal with things like that easily, others just constantly miss them with every new mile stone that happens. That’s me, just a big old softy, who hates when loved ones go.
Well you can imagine that I was a bit of a mess again, as I was running down Southborough Lane again, just as well I was sweating! At least I was working hard, even though I did some walking on route I ran quite a bit, but I am still annoyed with myself, I could do better, I should do better! My next solo run I shall really have to get my shouty voice out!
I got back to my road, not with a pb for this route, but there is room for improvement, lots of improvement! As long as I keep getting out of the door then it can only get better! So not so much a blog about my running, but about why and what is keeping me running! Oh the the what is keeping me running, of course its me, but also........I've worked blimmin hard to get this far, there is no way I am going to give up! I hate giving up!
My geeky stats.
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